View Full Version : OK - lets try this one then...
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Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ESCAPEE
Definition: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receivewhen passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with 'ESCAPEE')
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine guns pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the 'WALK OF SHAME'.
WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out of the Closet pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of 'OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS' and identify 'SAFE HAVENS'.
SAFE HAVEN
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when work taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a 'WATERMELON' or to alert potential 'TURD BURGLARS'. Very effective when used in conjunction with an 'ASTAIRE'.
ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential 'TURD BURGLARS' that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an 'ASTAIRE', leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a 'WATERMELON' coming on, create a diversion. See 'CAMO-COUGH'.
HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a 'CAMO-COUGH' with an 'ASTAIRE'.
UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An 'UNCLE TED' makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a 'FREQUENT FLYER'. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
CRACK WHORE
Definition: A crapper that has seen more ass than a Greyhound Bus. Tell tale signs of a 'CRACK WHORE' include pubes, piss stains and shit streaks. Avoid CRACK WHORES at all cost. Try finding out when the janitor cleans each particular bathroom. Don't forget, a 'CRACK WHORE' can become a SAFEHAVEN.
Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ESCAPEE
Definition: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receivewhen passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with 'ESCAPEE')
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine guns pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the 'WALK OF SHAME'.
WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out of the Closet pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of 'OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS' and identify 'SAFE HAVENS'.
SAFE HAVEN
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when work taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a 'WATERMELON' or to alert potential 'TURD BURGLARS'. Very effective when used in conjunction with an 'ASTAIRE'.
ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential 'TURD BURGLARS' that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an 'ASTAIRE', leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a 'WATERMELON' coming on, create a diversion. See 'CAMO-COUGH'.
HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a 'CAMO-COUGH' with an 'ASTAIRE'.
UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An 'UNCLE TED' makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a 'FREQUENT FLYER'. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
CRACK WHORE
Definition: A crapper that has seen more ass than a Greyhound Bus. Tell tale signs of a 'CRACK WHORE' include pubes, piss stains and shit streaks. Avoid CRACK WHORES at all cost. Try finding out when the janitor cleans each particular bathroom. Don't forget, a 'CRACK WHORE' can become a SAFEHAVEN.
Aw Shit...
Ghost Shit
That's the kind where you feel the shit come out, have shit on the toilet paper, but there is no shit in the toilet.
Clean Shit
The kind where you shit it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
Second Wave Shit
It happens when you're done shitting, you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realise that you have to shit some more.
Brain Hemorrage Shit
Also known as "Pop a vein in your forehead " shit. the kind where you strain so much to get it out that you practically have a stroke.
Sweetcorn shit
Self Explanatory
Log shit
The kind of shit that is so huge that you're afraid to flush the toilet without breaking it into a few pieces with your toilet brush
Drinkers shit
That is the kind of shit that you have the morning after a long night of drinking - its most noticeable trait is the skid marks left on the bottom of the toilet .
"Gee I wish I could shit" shit
Its the kind of shit where you want to shit, but all you do is sit on the toilet with cramps and fart a few times.
Spinal Tap Shit
That's the one where it hurts so much coming out that you swear it was leaving you sideways.
Wet Cheeks Shit Also known as "The Power dump"
That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.
Liquid Shit
The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, spashes all over the inside of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.
Mexican Food Shit
A class all its own
The Crowd Pleaser
This shit is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone.
Mood Enhancer
This shit occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, allowing you to be your old self again.
The Ritual
This shit occurs at the same time time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper
Guiness Book of Records Shit
A shit so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations
The aftershock shit
This shit has an odor so powerful that anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is effected.
The Honeymoons over shit
This is any shit created in the presence of another person.
Groaner
A shit so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance
Floater
Characterized by its floatability, this shit has been known to resurface after many flushes
Ranger
A shit which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper
Phantom Shit
This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit putting it there
Peek-a-boo-shit
Now you see it, now you don't. this shit is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control
The bombshell
A shit that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to shit (i.e. during love making or a root canal) or you are nowhere near shitting facilities.
Snake Charmer
A long skinny shit which has managed to coil into a frightening position - usually harmless
Olympic Shit This shit occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinkers shit.
Aw Shit...
Ghost Shit
That's the kind where you feel the shit come out, have shit on the toilet paper, but there is no shit in the toilet.
Clean Shit
The kind where you shit it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
Second Wave Shit
It happens when you're done shitting, you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realise that you have to shit some more.
Brain Hemorrage Shit
Also known as "Pop a vein in your forehead " shit. the kind where you strain so much to get it out that you practically have a stroke.
Sweetcorn shit
Self Explanatory
Log shit
The kind of shit that is so huge that you're afraid to flush the toilet without breaking it into a few pieces with your toilet brush
Drinkers shit
That is the kind of shit that you have the morning after a long night of drinking - its most noticeable trait is the skid marks left on the bottom of the toilet .
"Gee I wish I could shit" shit
Its the kind of shit where you want to shit, but all you do is sit on the toilet with cramps and fart a few times.
Spinal Tap Shit
That's the one where it hurts so much coming out that you swear it was leaving you sideways.
Wet Cheeks Shit Also known as "The Power dump"
That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.
Liquid Shit
The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, spashes all over the inside of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.
Mexican Food Shit
A class all its own
The Crowd Pleaser
This shit is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone.
Mood Enhancer
This shit occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, allowing you to be your old self again.
The Ritual
This shit occurs at the same time time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper
Guiness Book of Records Shit
A shit so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations
The aftershock shit
This shit has an odor so powerful that anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is effected.
The Honeymoons over shit
This is any shit created in the presence of another person.
Groaner
A shit so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance
Floater
Characterized by its floatability, this shit has been known to resurface after many flushes
Ranger
A shit which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper
Phantom Shit
This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit putting it there
Peek-a-boo-shit
Now you see it, now you don't. this shit is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control
The bombshell
A shit that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to shit (i.e. during love making or a root canal) or you are nowhere near shitting facilities.
Snake Charmer
A long skinny shit which has managed to coil into a frightening position - usually harmless
Olympic Shit This shit occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinkers shit.
Anonymous
17-03-2004, 02:57
Once again, minging.
Anonymous
17-03-2004, 02:57
Once again, minging.
Anonymous
17-03-2004, 11:11
LMAO rincey
ahahahahaha
thats class :lol:
Anonymous
17-03-2004, 11:11
LMAO rincey
ahahahahaha
thats class :lol:
bleh you have some wierdo smileys :p
bleh you have some wierdo smileys :p
Cannings
17-03-2004, 11:19
rince u are severly disturbed u know that
Cannings
17-03-2004, 11:19
rince u are severly disturbed u know that
more smilies to come tonight
better layout also :)
fixed avatar uploading
and new logo for top
also +1
rank | number of posts
nublet 0
niblet 50
idle bastard 150
whats work then? 300
All i do is post on forums all day 500
Professional Spammer 1200
more smilies to come tonight
better layout also :)
fixed avatar uploading
and new logo for top
also +1
rank | number of posts
nublet 0
niblet 50
idle bastard 150
whats work then? 300
All i do is post on forums all day 500
Professional Spammer 1200
Cannings
17-03-2004, 11:23
overcap my spam count ummmmmm.... usefull post count now!!! :oops: :D :shock: :? :) :( :o :lol: :cry: :oops: :wink: :roll: :twisted: :evil: :!: :?: :idea: :arrow:
Thinks thats all of em
Cannings
17-03-2004, 11:23
overcap my spam count ummmmmm.... usefull post count now!!! :oops: :D :shock: :? :) :( :o :lol: :cry: :oops: :wink: :roll: :twisted: :evil: :!: :?: :idea: :arrow:
Thinks thats all of em
lol im a going to add hundreds tonight dont worry :)
and fuck loads of avatars
lol im a going to add hundreds tonight dont worry :)
and fuck loads of avatars
rince u are severly disturbed u know that
I know - great isn't it :D
rince u are severly disturbed u know that
I know - great isn't it :D
Cannings
17-03-2004, 11:30
call a mod rince's quotes are fucked
Cannings
17-03-2004, 11:30
call a mod rince's quotes are fucked
AllFather
17-03-2004, 12:36
pwn!
http://deiligst.no/pics/239/239406.jpg
AllFather
17-03-2004, 12:36
pwn!
http://deiligst.no/pics/239/239406.jpg
call a mod rince's quotes are fucked
Call a what? :D
Cliffraiser
23-03-2004, 14:32
memorize these definitions and poopin at wurk will become a pure sweet bitchin. escapee definition: a trumpet dat slips out while takin a leak at da urinal or forcin poop in a stall. dis is usually accompanied by a suddun wave of panic/embarrassment. dis is similar to da spunky flash yous receivewhun passin an unseun constabulury auto and speedenin. if yous release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. pretend it did not appun. if yous is standin next to da farta at da urinal, pretend dat yous did not ear it. no one digs an escapee, it is uncomfortable fa all involved. makin a joke or laughin makes bof parties feel uneasy. jailbreak (used in conjunction wiv 'escapee') definition: whun forcin poop, several trumpets slip out at a machine guns pace. dis is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a angova. if dis should appun do not panic, remain in da stall until everyone as left da bathroom so to spare everyone da awkwardness of wot just occurred. courtesy flush definition: da act of flushin da bog da instant da nose cone of da poop log its da wata and da poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. dis reduces da amount of air time da poop as to stink up da bathroom. dis can elp yous avoid bein caught doin da 'walk of shame'. walk of shame definition: walkin from da stall, to da sink, to da doa afta yous ave just stunk-up da bathroom. dis can be a well uncomfortable moment if someone walks in. as wiv all trumpets, it is wickedest to pretend dat da stink does not exist. out of da closet poopa definition: a colleague who poops at wurk and is damn proud of it. yous will oftun check an out of da closet poopa let it rip da bathroom wiv a newspapa or magazine unda their arm. always check around da office fa da out of da closet poopa before let it ripin da bathroom. da poopin boys network (pfn) definition: a group of boys who band togetha to ensure emergency poopin goes off without incident. dis group can elp yous to monita da whereabouts of 'out of da closet poopers' and identify 'safe avens'. safe avun definition: a seldom used bathroom somewhere in da buildin where yous can least expect visitors. try floors dat is predominantly of da opposite . dis will reduce da odds of a poopa of your let it ripin da bathroom. turd burglar definition: a poopa who does not realize dat yous is in da stall and tries to force da doa opun. dis is one of da mostest shockin and vulnerable moments dat occur whun wurk takin a dump at wurk. if dis occurs, remain in da stall until da turd burglar leaves. dis way yous will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. camo-cough definition: a phony cough which alerts all new entrants into da bathroom dat yous is in a stall. dis can be used to cova-up a 'watermelon' or to alert potential 'turd burglars'. well effective whun used in conjunction wiv an 'astaire'. astaire definition: a subtle toe-tap dat is used to alert potential 'turd burglars' dat yous is occupyin a stall. dis will remove all doubt dat da stall is occupied. if yous ear an 'astaire', leave da bathroom immediately so da poopa can poop in peace. watermelon definition: a turd dat creates a loud splash whun ittin da bog wata. dis is also an embarrassin incident. if yous feel a 'watermelon' comin on, create a diversion. check 'camo-cough'. avana omelet definition: a load of diarrhea dat creates a series of loud splashes in da bog wata. oftun accompanied by an escapee. try usin a 'camo-cough' wiv an 'astaire'. uncle jamal ted definition: a bathroom usa who seems to linga around foreva. could spend extended lengths of time in front of da mirra or sittin on da pot. an 'uncle ted' makes it difficult to chill while on da bog, as yous should always wait to drop your load whun da bathroom is empty. dis benefits yous as well as da udda bathroom attendees. fly by definition: da act of scoutin out a bathroom before poopin. walk in, check fa udda poopers. if there is udders in da bathroom, leave and come back again. be careful not to become a 'frequent flyer'. people may become suspicious if dey catch yous constantly goin into da bathroom. crack ho definition: a bog dat as checked more batty than a greyhound bus. tell tale signs of a 'crack whore' include pubes, piss stains and plop streaks. avoid crack os at all cost. try checkin out whun da janita cleans each particular bathroom. don't forget, a 'crack whore' can become a safehavun.
Rince his post in Ali G 8)
Cannings
23-03-2004, 14:34
the enter button is ur friend everytime i start reading that lot i skip a couple of lines
Cannings
23-03-2004, 14:35
lol
CryptoChronic
23-03-2004, 14:53
you guys r insane :wink:
no we're just misunderstood
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