View Full Version : joke for the day
i know, its terrible...
" A man stays on a bucking bronko for more than ten minutes, his mate asks him how the fuck he did it, to which he replies; my wife is epileptic "
poor attempt that its to old
fine! :blush:
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A girl came skipping home from school one day.
"Mummy, Mummy, she yelled, "We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl asked.
"Yes, It's because your blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
"Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids said up to D, but I said it up to G. See? A,B,C,D,E,F,G!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?"
"Yes, It's because your blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
"Mummy Mummy!" she yelled, "We were in gym class today, and when we were showering, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"
She lifted up her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm Blonde, Mummy?"
"No Honey, Its because you're 24."
Fred and Mary got married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his Mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "Never mind what you think!
Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
His Mom says, "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "Ok, now tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave
him my super glue."
A member of the United States Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, exploded one day in mid-session and began to shout, "Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"
All the other Senators demanded that the angry member withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session.
After a long pause, the angry member acquiesced. "OK," he said, "I withdraw what I said. Half of this Senate is NOT made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"
An elderly gentleman of 85 feared his wife was getting a bit deaf. So one day he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked. The Doctor made an appointment for a hearing test in two weeks, and meanwhile there's a simple informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the state of her problem.
“Here's what you do,” said the doctor. “Start out about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.”
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he's in the living room. He says to himself, “I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.” Then in a normal tone he asks, “hi, what's for dinner?”
No response.
So the husband moved to the other end of the room, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, “hi dear, what's for dinner?”
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, “hi, what's for dinner?”
Again he gets no response.
So he walks up to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away. “hi dear, what's for dinner?”
Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. “hi dear, what's for dinner?”
“For God sake Alf, for the fifth time, CHICKEN!”
A Scottish woman walks into her bedroom & finds her husband simulating sex with his wellie.
"Hamish!" she shouts
"You dirty bastard...Stop fucking aboot!"
A woman has a close male friend.
This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend.
This always starts out with, "you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way".
This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, "You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired."
May get abuse for that one but hey fells'a its right aint it
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.
In the light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
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1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
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2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English.. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
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3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
-----------------
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist,then you're not ready to shoot grouse..
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5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
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6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
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7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
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8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
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9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. Australian beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
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10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
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11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies)..
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12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
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13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
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14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
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15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
Are we aloud racist jokes with it being here and all ?
afterhours isn't particually moderated unless u start posting full on porn... so go for it
After getting all of the Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, (andhe doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.
"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver, "Would you please take your
seat so we can leave?"
"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at
the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today."
"I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" Protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.
"There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the
wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the
airport,the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105mph.
"Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but the
Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens."Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license," moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches,
but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on
the radio.
"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.
"So bust him," says the Chief.
"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed," All the more reason!"
"No, I mean really important," said the cop.
The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
Chief: "Governor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"
Cop: "I think it's God!"
Chief: "What makes you think it's God?"
Cop: "He's got the fucking Pope as a chauffeur!!"
A recent experiment has revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, scientists gave 100 men 12 pints of lager each and observed their behaviour afterwards.
100% of them gained weight, talked incessantly without making sense, and couldn't drive.
who'd have thought it....a black president!
Whats next? a woman that can actually drive? maybe a paki that showers?
Whats the height of suspicion?
Getting home from work and finding the coalman walking down your path with a clean middle finger.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a cocaine dealer?
They both sell their crack but only one has to clean it out afterwards.
A recent experiment has revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, scientists gave 100 men 12 pints of lager each and observed their behaviour afterwards.
100% of them gained weight, talked incessantly without making sense, and couldn't drive.
lol
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Welcome to the psychiatrist hotline.
If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 . . . repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have mutliple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and we are tracing this call. Please stay on the line.
If you are schizophrenic, please wait and a little voice will tell you what to do.
If you are manic depressive it doesn't matter what you do, no one cares about you anyway.
A South African gold miner lost his leg in an accident. Choking back the tears later he cried,
"It's over! who's gonna want a one legged gold digger?"
Then his phone rang.
"Hi there, it's Paul McCartney."
When I was asked whether I'm a leg or breast man I simply replied I prefer smooth shaven cunts.
Apparantely that isn't an option in a KFC bumper bucket.
The Lion, The Bear and The Chicken were all sat having their lunch one day when the subject came up of who the hardest of them was in the Jungle
"It's quiet simple. When I growl the earth shakes and all the animals nearby bow down before me. I am the hardest of the three of us" said the Bear
"Well I am the hardest of the lot of us" Said the lion
"When I let out my growl, I'm heard from miles around. All the animals know that I am the king of the jungle. Therefore the hardest"
Not to be out done the Chicken Pipes up" Thats nothing. You two think you are the hardest. I know I am the hardest. All I have to do is cough and the whole world shits itsself
"Anal" - sung to the tune of "Angels", by Robbie (Fat Cunt) Williams
I sit and wank,
does an anus contemplate it's fate?
And do they know,
the places where men go
when they're red and sore?
'Cause I have been told, that menstruation,
makes brown wings unfold.
So when I'm lying in my bed
Spunk running to my head
And her rivers running red...
...I'm going anal instead!
And through it all,
she makes me wear protection
to cover up my erection
whether I cum or not
She's like a waterfall,
whichever way I take her
She knows I won't forsake her
I'm going anal instead.
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"?
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"
The Koala and the Little Lizard
A koala is sitting up a gumtree smoking a joint when a little lizard
walks past and looks up and says "Hey Koala! what are you doing?"
The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints.
After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river.
But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.
A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?"
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain
forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"
So the koala looks down at him and says:
"Whooooah dude.......how much water did you drink?!!"
A South African gold miner lost his leg in an accident. Choking back the tears later he cried,
"It's over! who's gonna want a one legged gold digger?"
Then his phone rang.
"Hi there, it's Paul McCartney."
Ahahaha that ones pretty hardcore...
I'm still thinking of a joke i can translate without it losing it's effect, its bloody hard.
An 18 year-old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her period for twomonths. Very worried, the mother goes to the Chemist and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.He sits in the living room with the father and the mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.
I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a £2,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a £2,000,000 bank account.
If twins, they will receive a factory and £2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the girls father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You shag her again."
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me". Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, your ass is mine."
He lost 63 pounds that week.
Cinderella is now 95 years old, after a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.
One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.
Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years"?
The fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"
Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish:
"The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I'm living hand to mouth on my disability cheques, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension. Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.
Cinderella said, "Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother"
The fairy godmother replied, "It is the least that I can do. What do you want for your second wish?"
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had."
At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years.
And then the fairy godmother spoke once more: "You have one more wish; what shall it be?"
Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, "I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man." Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.
The fairy godmother said, "Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life."
With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.
For a few eerie moments Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes.
Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.
Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms.
He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered...
"Bet you're sorry now that you cut my nuts off"
grindcore
06-11-2008, 11:53
http://i123.photobucket.com/albums/o301/derzel/Vase1.jpg
http://i123.photobucket.com/albums/o301/derzel/Vase2.jpg
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. "Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
"I'm sure that must have embarrassed you so let me pay for your dinner to make it up to you," she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks.
They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he listens, he shares his and she listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They have a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet breakfast with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed and totally impressed. Everything had been SO incredible!" You know," he said, "You are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies, "You just happened to catch my eye!"
Ahahaha that ones pretty hardcore...
I'm still thinking of a joke i can translate without it losing it's effect, its bloody hard.
that joke u translated was AMAZING <3
...
that joke u translated was AMAZING <3
...
I don't remember? oO
thats becoz u didnt do it... :)
thats becoz u didnt do it... :)
So a non-existant joke i didnt make is amazing? :ninja:
that joke u translated was AMAZING <3
...
LOL
How can you identify a rich Ethiopian?
By the gold watch around his waist..
Narcolepsy Jones
06-11-2008, 14:37
These are just embarrassing, I think perhaps I ought to do the jokes. I don't want to blow my own trumpet too much, because I tend to get sticky stuff all over the monitor, but maybe a revival of one of the vintage threads will be in order later.
Narcolepsy Jones
06-11-2008, 14:44
Hah. The only joke I'm doing in here (and this is really your kind of humour, pixelbrain) is this:
What's the best thing about fucking twenty eight year olds?
There's 20 of them.
An oldie but still a goodie. I'll bump a classic later if I can think of something :p
Narcolepsy Jones
06-11-2008, 14:48
Maybe I told it wrong.
http://winsbydefault.com/pics/1191783844180.jpg
LOOL that ones old as hell...
I lolled, nazis are funny in their own special little way
Nightbrother
06-11-2008, 22:52
Why did the little girl fall of the swing?
Because she had no arms.
(I have a little girl myself, so it's okay when I joke about children)
If I wanna a laugh I just goto my local shopping centre, or watch TV :sleep:
I like to watch people, its very interesting to me lol...
If I wanna a laugh I just goto my local shopping centre, or watch TV :sleep:
I like to watch people, its very interesting to me lol...
People get boring fast
People get boring fast
Not too me, don't you like people watching? Like if you go out you just sit and watch how people act and work them out, my dad and his mate like to do this also. They was watching some navy guys chatting up some girls and only one of them was successful then a group of guys came into the club and chatted up those same girls and that one navy guy was left alone lol.
Anyway me and my smoking buddy also my best friend can get onto a public bus stoned and just fucking crease up at people getting on the bus. The reason is they are completely different from us and its just funny. the reasons we are on the bus is to have a good time and the reasons they are on the bus is to goto work or some shit.
grindcore
07-11-2008, 10:11
Not too me, don't you like people watching? Like if you go out you just sit and watch how people act and work them out, my dad and his mate like to do this also. They was watching some navy guys chatting up some girls and only one of them was successful then a group of guys came into the club and chatted up those same girls and that one navy guy was left alone lol.
Anyway me and my smoking buddy also my best friend can get onto a public bus stoned and just fucking crease up at people getting on the bus. The reason is they are completely different from us and its just funny. the reasons we are on the bus is to have a good time and the reasons they are on the bus is to goto work or some shit.
When you have a job and some money, you'll find much better entertainment than sitting on a bus. :)
Amazing Anagrams
Dormitory == Dirty Room
Desperation == A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code == Here Come Dots
Slot Machines == Cash Lost in 'em
Animosity == Is No Amity
Snooze Alarms == Alas! No More Z's
Alec Guinness == Genuine Class
Semolina == Is No Meal
The Public Art Galleries == Large Picture Halls, I Bet
A Decimal Point == I'm a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes == That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two == Twelve plus one
Contradiction == Accord not in it
This one's amazing: [From Hamlet by Shakespeare]
To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.
Becomes:
In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten.
And the grand finale:
"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind." -- Neil A. Armstrong
becomes:
A thin man ran; makes a large stride; left planet, pins flag on moon! On to Mars!
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen world!
http://winsbydefault.com/pics/1192127870684.jpg
well showed it to my groupleader. he is a black guy took him a few seconds to understand and then he laughed, so i think it is ok. but yeah it's racist and i understand that some might be upset.
Three guys are sitting at the bar, when a stranger walked in and took a stool at the far end of the bar. The three guys were tranfixed on the stranger, who bear a striking resemblance to Jesus.
For quite a while they were speculating if in fact it was the Son of God himself. Finally Joe stands up and said he would find out for sure and walked down to the end of the bar, but before he could even open his mouth, the stranger said, " you have had constant pain in your lower back for many years, and so I say unto you "Be healed". Instantly the pain left his body. He ran back to tell the others. Tom said that it was bullshit and went down to the end of the bar, but again before he could say anything, the stranger said, "since you were a child you have had an inferior left eye, Be heal and see the world the way God intended. Tom's bad eye was seeing as well as the other. Both 20/20. He came back to inform the others. Mack just set there, "well I'm not going down there - come hell or high water. Just then the stranger started walking toward Mack. Finally he was less than ten feet away from him Mack yells out, "Stay away from me you son of a bitch...I'm on Disability.
I think the whole "im offended coz my great great great something was probably likely a slave thing" is overdone...
"Stay away from me you son of a bitch... I'm on Disability."
LOL
Kjeldoran
07-11-2008, 15:12
A woman has a close male friend.
This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend.
This always starts out with, "you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way".
This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, "You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired."
May get abuse for that one but hey fells'a its right aint it
So true :)
i didn't complain about that one because its true... and ive done it myself
A woman has a close male friend.
This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend.
This always starts out with, "you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way".
This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, "You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired."
May get abuse for that one but hey fells'a its right aint it
It's true because guys who are all friendly and nice are CHOOOODES.
Women look for dominant alpha males who know what they want and who can protect them as the natural sexually attractive trait. If you don't have that and you're reacting based on her instead of the other way around (ie. not acting from your core as a dominant male would do) then you're a chode and you'll get put in the friendzone.
If that happens you deserve it for not growing a pair of balls.
the amount of psychoanalysis on this forum recently is quite impressive
Kjeldoran
07-11-2008, 16:36
It's true because guys who are all friendly and nice are CHOOOODES.
Women look for dominant alpha males who know what they want and who can protect them as the natural sexually attractive trait. If you don't have that and you're reacting based on her instead of the other way around (ie. not acting from your core as a dominant male would do) then you're a chode and you'll get put in the friendzone.
If that happens you deserve it for not growing a pair of balls.
There's a good movie about it. Think it's called "just friends" or something ;)
http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/scantron.png
My father in law handed me a note on my wedding day saying, "Goods delivered are non-returnable."
I handed it back and said, "Contract void if seal is broken."
A new prostitute is told by her pimp that for the first seven days
she is only allowed to wank off her clients.
When she asks why, her pimp explains that all new girls have
to work a week in hand.
My father in law handed me a note on my wedding day saying, "Goods delivered are non-returnable."
I handed it back and said, "Contract void if seal is broken."
haha nice
One day a boy asked his grandpa "grandpa make a frog sound"
The grandfather asked why?
The boy said, "Grandma says when you croak we are going to Hawaii”
Nightbrother
11-12-2008, 20:22
What did the Spanish farmer say to his chickens?
Oh-lay!
http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wood_chips.png
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